Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Bouncing Antlers
“We’re not supposed to go that deep within the forest.” One woman said nervously.
“Grow some backbone.” The group leader said crawling into the plane.
Personally I felt a little scared off getting lost, but there was no way I was going to act like a wimp around six body builders and a comedian. I then remembered a book I once read called Tracking in the Woods for dopeheads. Feeling better I hopped into the plane. I grumbled as I got to my feet and rubbed the bump on my head.
“You shouldn’t have tried hopping into the plane.” The group leader (whose name was Larry) said as I walked by him.
I sat down in the back and made myself comfortable. The other members slowly piled in the front seats, away from me. I found this odd but left the matter alone. Finally the last person reluctantly stepped into the plane. The nervous woman with no backbone walked down the plane to the only available seat left, the one next to me. She plopped down next to me and gazed over my shoulder out the window.
“Would you like the window seat?” I asked.
“Sure, thanks,” she replied switching seats.
I laid back and closed my eyes. It was going to be a short trip, but long enough for a short nap. I was soon awakened by the girl next to me gasping. I looked out the window to see if we had arrived in the forest. I then felt the plane begin to take off. I sighed with annoyance closed my eyes again. The woman had obviously never flown before. Or, better put, had never flown with a suspicious pilot before. I was quite used to it after many other Bigfoot and alien trips. Not bothered I soon fell asleep. I large jolt woke me up instantly. I knew the pilot could not be trusted. He was a cold blooded murderer who had jumped out of the plane and left us to die.
“We’ve landed everyone,” Larry said standing to his feet.
I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and got to my feet. As I walked out of the plane I bent down a bit to make sure that I didn’t hit my head on the doorway like before. I made sure I had about a five foot clearing. I later regretted this as the comedian made fun of me for crouching down in a tight ball. He was over reacting of course. I was only a loose ball. We set up camp in the small clearing he had landed on and pulled out the Bigfoot traps. After scouting out the area for good spots to put the traps we sat up all seven of them. I pulled out my journal and began cataloging everything we did for future reference. The sun soon disappeared behind the horizon (as if it disappears anywhere else) and a large fire was made in for all of us to sit around. A couple of the members, including myself, told stories of our past Bigfoot searches around the campfire for lack of anything better to do. I’m not sure many people actually listened. After a while we all crawled into our tents and went to sleep. I got up early the next morning and went outside to make myself breakfast. No one else had gotten up yet besides me. I decided it was because the sun had not risen yet. I knew I should have never taken a nap in the plane. Now I was never go to fall asleep again. I made hot chocolate, eggs, and toast for breakfast since I had brought a small generator. As I was cleaning up my breakfast I dropped a slice of bread. I grumbled and put my stuff away in my tent. When I came out the bread slice was gone. A small trail was left from the bread being dragged on the ground. I followed the trail a short distance into the woods before it disappeared under a log. Slowly I moved to the fallen log and peered over. A large rabbit sat on the other side nibbling the bread. I nearly fainted as I saw that the rabbit had antlers sticking out from its head. The creature looked up at me and froze. It must have been quite a spectacle to see us both too shocked to move. Suddenly the rabbit disappeared into the forest as I bounded away. When I came back to camp I quickly wrote what happened in my journal and sat in my tent thinking about it for a long time. When I came out of my tent, the sun had gone high into the sky and most everyone was awake. I walked over to Larry and greeted him.
“Good morning Larry, did you sleep well?” I asked.
“Yeah, but some idiot was up before the sun rise running around the camp.” Larry replied.
“That stinks; by the way do you know anything about a rabbit with antlers?”
“You mean a Jackalope? They don’t exist. They’re a myth.”
It was then that for the first time I questioned the existence of Bigfoot. Maybe he was just a myth to. I quickly straightened myself out and felt dumb as everyone watched me punch myself in the face. I explained what I did and they all took turns slapping me. Larry later told me that it was for my own good, but I’m not sure since he was trying his hardest to suppress laughter. A little after lunch it was time to check our Bigfoot traps. We split up into small groups to make sure no one got hurt from the Bigfoot’s amazing strength. Larry put me with the pilot, the lady who sat next to me and myself in a group and sent us off for one of the traps deep within the forest. As we walked up to the trap we were disappointed to find that it was empty. We turned back to camp and, with my expert tracking skills, got lost.
“Did we come from that direction or that direction?” I asked looking around.
“I knew we shouldn’t have come this far into the forest. Now we’re going to die.” The lady said miserably.
“She’s a bit unsure of our great skills.” I said turning to the pilot. “By her face on the plane she didn’t believe you could get us out here alive. I, on the other hand, never questioned what a good man you are.”
The pilot nodded and began walking off.
“Where are you going?” I called to him.
“I always question what sort of man you are. I’m heading back to camp myself since you went and got us lost.” He called back.
“Should we follow him?” The lady asked.
“No way, he’ll get us even more lost. I think I found the right direction. Let’s go this way.”
We walked off into the woods and found that we weren’t going in the right direction, but I didn’t say a word to the girl. I slyly began edging to my left and the girl never even seemed to notice. Soon we were heading in, what I then believed, was the right direction. I soon felt tired and we sat down on a log. I took note of our surroundings to make sure we didn’t get even more lost. Suddenly a scratching noise came from behind me. I turned around and saw the same rabbit with antlers was digging in the ground. I froze again and the girl next to me turned to see what I was looking at. A high pitched scream soared through the air.
“Stop screaming,” The girl said, shoving her fingers in her ears.
I stopped and made eye contact with the rabbit. The creature turned from me to the girl then back again. I bounded away through the forest and I quickly ran after it. I heard the girl running behind me. Finally she was doing something useful. The rabbit hopped into a tree and soon disappeared. I continued walking for a few minutes, stunned by the encounter, and then realized that the Jackalope had led us back to camp. As we walked up we were greeted by Larry and the pilot.
“What happened to you guys? We were just about to go out searching for you.” Larry said.
“We saw the rabbit thing again, what did you call it, a Jackalope? Yes, we saw a Jackalope. Me and, um… what is your name?’
“Charlene,” The girl replied.
“I and Charlene saw a Jackalope. We really did.”
“What really happened?” Larry asked turning to the girl named Charlene.
“Well, we got lost and were separated from the pilot. Then Dr.VonGon thought he knew the direction to camp which got us more lost so he carefully began moving south, I don’t know why he didn’t just turn and walk, but we sat down and found a rabbit with antlers. After he screeched at the top of his lungs we followed it back to camp where it disappeared into the trees.” Charlene replied.
A few days later we all packed up our stuff and climbed back onto the plane. I sat in the back next to the comedian who made fun of me the whole flight. When we landed I found my car and threw my stuff in the back. I found that Charlene didn’t have a ride and that she lived not far from my house. I drove her home then realized that I had left her stuff back at the plane. I drove all the way back and brought it to her. I drove back to my house and put my junk away. When I got in bed that night I began to think of the Jackalope I saw. I promised myself that I would go searching for the creature again someday.
-Dr. VonGon
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Black Shuck at the beach
“I shouldn’t have eaten so many coffee cakes.” I thought out loud. “Wait… I hate coffee cakes. Now all my relatives are going to send me tons of coffee cake for my birthday.”
I wallowed in my grief for a few minutes then realized that I had better things to do. I got dressed and opened the fridge. It was filled with coffee cakes. I never should have let them store food for the party at my house. Charlene’s mother always overstocked snacks on special occasions. Grumbling, I pulled all the coffee cakes out of my fridge and shoved them into a large box. I then made breakfast and sat down at my computer. I searched on Google for the latest news on myths and monsters. I then came across an article talking about a creature called the Black Shuck. I laughed to myself. What idiot would believe something with a name like that could exist. I began to read the article in order to make fun of it. As I read I became intrigued by monsters background. The article said that a Black Shuck is a ghost dog that roams around many different places. It also told of an attack that happened at a church. The creature must have been real if a reverend said it was true. The creature had been seen along the many different coastlines. This was an opportunity I wasn’t going to miss. I quickly packed my bags and grabbed a map of Kantasy. I was heading for the beach. I hopped into my car and drove off. After a few minutes a strong smell of coffee came from the trunk. It was then that I realized that in my excitement I had thrown the box of coffee cakes in the back. Opening the window I ignored it, there was no way I was about to turn around and drive back home. I arrived at the beach in a few hours and checked into a motel. I walked along the shore and searched for any dog footprints. I soon found some and became overjoyed. I realized that the creature probably wasn’t going to come around until after dark. I enjoyed the rest of the day around the town. When nightfall came I rushed back to my room and put on warm clothes. I walked out to the beach and found a locked gate on the road down to the sand. A sign on the gate said, “Beach closed from 8:00p.m - 4:00a.m on Tuesday, July 23.” I clenched my fist in frustration. My first night there and the beach closed early. I searched around to make sure that no one was watching. I whipped my hands together then began climbing the fence. I dropped down to the bottom and scanned to make sure no one saw me. Moaning, I sat up and rubbed the back of my head. I walked down to the sand and saw a lifeguard truck driving down the beach. In fact, quite a few lifeguard trucks were driving along the beach. This was nothing compared to the alien search I had done at NASA. I crouched behind a drinking fountain until the truck had passed. Then I quickly ran down to the water. I wasn’t keen on getting wet, but if one of the trucks came by suddenly I was completely willing to dive into the ice cold water. I searched for the dog tracks I had seen and eventually found them. I followed them along the beach for around half an hour. I soon came to an area full of rocks. I crawled low on them in order not to be seen by nearby headlights. Luckily the truck missed me. I kept crawling forward until I came to a small hidden cave underneath a large rock. As a squeezed through the entrance I was surprise to find that there was a lot of room for me to kneel. I fumbled around for my flashlight and found that it was missing. Of all the things to forget! I blinked in order to adjust my eyes in the dark light. Suddenly a black furry face with sharp fangs and evil green eyes appeared in front of me. I goopy poison filled my face as it tried to lick my face off. I scrambled out of the cave, completely panic stricken. I soared over the rocks and stumbled down the beach. I could hear the ghost dog chasing after me. Bright lights flashed in front of me as three lifeguards hopped out of a truck and approached me.
“There’s a monster behind me!” I warned, waving my arms over my head. “It poisoned my face!”
The lifeguards looked at each other, not sure how to handle a situation like that. I concluded that they had never encountered a monster before. They were goners. I ran past them and heard a body crash to the ground. The massacre had begun. I cleared the fence with a single bound and made my way back to the motel. I locked the door behind me and collapsed to the ground. I was dog tired.
When I woke up I was still inside the fort I had made out of pillows. I clutched a kitchen knife in my hand ready at any moment for the monster to break the door down. The sun had risen. The creature must have gone back into its cave. Ghosts hate sunlight. I hesitantly opened the door and stepped outside. A man with two kids hauled a large Black Dog of his truck. The dog zipped around the parking lot and played with the two kids.
“Morning neighbor,” I said, “fine dog you have there.”
“The kids love him, but he sure is a pain in the neck. I was up half the night with the lifeguards searching for him along the beach. Apparently he had got into a small cave under the rocks.” The man replied.
I gave the dog a thorough look over its green eyes looked cheerful to be back with its owners. “Would you be interested in coffee cake?” I asked.
-Dr. VonGon
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Ogopogo search
“Strange,” I said aloud.
Suddenly a light turned on in my head. I rushed back to the calm water scanned the lake for any sign of movement. I saw a ripple going across the lake. My heart started beating fast. I looked down to pull a paper pad out of my pocket and found that the ripple came from my now soaked shoe. I pulled my foot out of the water and looked up at the sun. Seventeen hours had passed since I left my house. This means that the sun should have set an hour ago. The Ogopogo’s presence was causing the sun to stand still. I ran along the edge of the lake trying to find any sign of the creature. Finally I decided to set up camp and wait for the monster to surface. It was then that I remembered that I forgot my camping gear at home. I looked at my watch and instantly began hiking home. By my watch it said that I had only been hiking for an hour. I was heading home to find the instruction manual in order to set the time correctly. It had to be wrong; I’m an expert at telling time by the sun’s position.
-Dr. VonGon
Saturday, August 22, 2009
A New Discovery
"How do you know he came back if you both were asleep?," I asked.
They had no reply. We divided the team into three groups. Group 1 had half the rain forest experts, group 2 had the other half of the rain forest experts, and group 3 (the one I was in) consisted of what was later said to have the less needed people. So us in group 3 went off into the jungle looking for any sign of the lad who had been missing. (Since it might get confusing I will refer to the missing lad as Jed. I don't know his real name so Jed sounds nice to me. He most likely would have been part of group 3). As we walked through we found human tracks pressed into the soft earth. The tent partner that had come with us recognized the shape of the shoe, it was Jed's. We carefully fallowed them, each man ready the wet there pants and run at the slightest sign of danger. This was good for all of us, it meant that if one man found danger he would cause such a scene that it would alert the rest of us. But before we found any danger we found Jed. He was laying on the ground motionless.
"Jed are you OK?," one of the men asked.
Jed gave no response. I reached out my foot and shook his shoulder quite a few times. Still no response. I concluded that he was either a very heavy sleeper or he was weak. How do I know he was weak you probably wouldn't have asked? Well, simply this, some sort of large creature had eaten its way into his chest and had stolen a few of his vital organs. What a creature with the power to take down a human had use for vital organs I don't know, but the lad was dead. We all crouched down around him to say our goodbyes. And as we did so we searched his pockets for anything of value. We found nothing except a picture of his parents, his two younger sisters, and himself. It was at that point everyone started feeling very sorrowful. Suddenly from out of the bushes a huge creature sprang up on top of one of the men. Within .00002 seconds there was a frenzy of people wetting their pants and trying to run away in panic. Me on the other hand tried to keep cool. I even alerted the other two groups with a high pitched scream. (Whatever the other men say about it don't believe them, I know that I was for sure totally relaxed about the situation). One of the men who WAS panicking kindling knocked me down and I fell into a river hidden behind a large plant. It carried me down stream a ways before I finally was able to stop myself and pull up onto the soft ground. I checked myself over for any signs of damage. I was in luck, only two leaches had found there home in my body, both in my left leg. I sighed with relief and yanked the creatures out of my skin. As I made my way towards camp I met up with the rest of my group. All were running at top speed towards camp. One of them had a large snake coiled around their waste, biting at the neck, chest, and face area. It was the most spectacular animal I had ever seen. The snake, realizing that the man was putting up to much of a fight, released him and fell to the ground. Suddenly it spun its body around into the shape of a spring and flew high into the air. I came down quite forcefully onto another one of the men. I then remembered the gun I had in my pocket. I pulled it out, took careful aim, and shot the snake dead in the face. I slunked to the ground and died. The other men ran on to camp while I went over to the snake. I picked up a small stick (at my guess it was only ten feet long) and carefully pocked the snake a few times. But it was gone. I walked over to it and pulled out my pocket knife. Sliding the knife with ease I opened the creatures stomach. I found Jed's heart, I put it in my pocket just in case he wanted it back. I then dug all the way to the creatures bones. I found that it had something like a controllable metal like coil within its bones. This meant that the animal could use its body like a spring. And that's about all the excitement we got the rest of the trip. I did get into a few magazines and talk shows for this find. I can't wait for the next exciting adventure I may have.
-Dr. VonGon
Monday, August 17, 2009
On the look out for Bigfoot
On one particular trip I went out with a couple of people who were on the same search for Bigfoot as I was. We went up into the mountains near my home town of Leafville. After a few hours into the trip we came across fresh tracks. We fallowed them to a large borough in the ground. We found it to be abandon. As we crawled into it we found old droppings on the floor of the shelter. After gathering as much information as we could we continued on our trek.
That was one of the first searches I was on. I was quite excited about every finding then, but have learned much since. Through these group journeys I have met many Bigfoot experts. They have taught me well and I have come to admire the legendary creature that so many people have sighted over the years. I can't wait for the next opportunity to meat new Bigfoot enthusiasts and find amazing discoveries out it the forests of northern U.S.A.
-Dr. VonGon
Friday, August 14, 2009
My first explore
I remember the time I went into the forest in search of the lizard-man. It started one morning when I was a child of seven years old. It was a warm summer morning, a time of freedom and candy. I had done a lot of research on the lizard-man (which consisted of hearing about him once) and decided to find evidence that he existed. After I had breakfast, lunch, and dinner I went to sleep. The next day I got up, it was a colder morning than the one before. I pulled on a long sleeved shirt and trumped into the forest behind my house. After an hour or two I stopped to rest on a rock. I had my quirk gun in my hand ready for anything mysterious to walk out of the jungle. It was at that moment that I saw a dark figure walking through the trees. I quickly raised my gun high in front of me. Perhaps too high, for it was aimed at a cloud in the sky. The creature came closer and closer until it was only a few feet in front of me. We had a few moments of silent study.
"Mom wants you to come back and have lunch now." The creature said.
I quickly lowered my gun, took careful aim, and ran for my life. I only looked back once, and that was to make sure I had taken the right street to get to my house. That was the first explore I went on.
-Dr. VonGon